Also Sprach Zarathustra

Fact: The sub-conscious mind is 30000 times more comprehensible than the conscious mind.

Which would mean my thoughts when expressed after some part of my brain analyses it, loses its meaning by 30000 times. Any dream you ever had, is so vast with imagination that your brain cannot compute the idiocy/ epicness of it when you wake up. That is, mostly the reason you don’t remember your dreams in the morning but you still feel the after effects of it.             

Fear, Happiness, Grief, Anger & Morning Glory.

One of these times, your conscious mind will witness something documented which would stretch your imagination to corners of the world. Something like Richard Strauss – “Also Sprach Zarathustra”, the opening theme for Stanley Kubrick’s Space Spectacle “2001:A Space Odyssey”. It is beautiful, how the theme plays in the movie, with The Sun, the Earth & the Moon in perfect union, linear. One almost coming up on top of the other. Every note in that symphony is put to experience the never ending entity that mankind is, thought so by us, humans. Our dream is what takes us beyond our obscure existence. They could show us the suffering that we can cause, or the happiness we can share. They can carry us from the most extreme situations and make us, ourselves heroes at times of need.

It is 6th June, today, the day we could have witnessed the Venus transit. A once in a century event which I missed due to my lethargic sleeping habits; I was very excited about it. The next time it will be on show is 2117.Maybe they will perfect cryogenic freezing in a few years. Maybe I’ll be rich to afford it. Maybe. Who knows?

About the dream I had today, a juxtapose of situation, the whole time in it, I hoped for my moment to shine, that particular instant where I rise from the ashes and be the SUNG hero, and take every other being with me for glory, like Noah with his Arc and all. There was this dense jungle and a lot of black cloud; everything seemed impure, as if nature was castrated. No food, no water, no fresh air, no wood to burn for fire. And it was cold everywhere, but somehow I knew it wasn’t so sometime ago. I knew I was stuck in the middle of a disaster. So I acted beyond my usual measure of IQ, and became a scavenger. Things that people would discard on normal days were luxuries, and I hunted for more of them. I looked and I looked. And I found people who were doing the same things, and we joined each other. But there was one thing we could not get, Fire. We just couldn’t start a fire, and it was a dream so I cannot enlighten you why not. Somehow I think this was the residue of thoughts I had on a beach trip a few days back, where we burned big leafs but they wouldn’t sustain for long, mere minutes. And then there were these huge animals that were somehow transformed to that size in front of my eyes. The deal with them; they didn’t threaten me. It was almost as if they recognized me, but I never had a pet in my life. We went in the core and I was looking at the black cloud fading away, with room for sunlight and a little fresh air. And I saw the faces of the people who were with me, I have known them for a long time now, but they didn’t recognise me anymore I assumed. The passage we followed was clear and I could see what lay in front of me, this was no jungle, this was a place I used to be at, a small town, like a campus. It acknowledged my presence instantly, a bit juvenile with the head nods. These were my people once and now I walked amongst them again, but they were cold now, and I didn’t know whether I was a friend or a foe. A little distance away, there was a continuous thunder, it couldn’t have been clouds as there was no lightning, but emerging were people with guns; short, tall, slim, fat all carrying guns and now they were humming, not chanting, not shouting. Just humming with their lips shut. And I kept going deeper into the core of the dream and the smoke was all but gone, and there was this building which had two bullhorns protruding horizontally in our direction suggesting another one of those big beasts had fought here and smashed itself against this glass pillar which now appeared grey in this light. And then the humming song transformed into the beat of the Timpani. Where every note gave me a chill, with the glass pillar visible clearly, I could see a group of people standing on top of the building, looking at us, asking us to follow them, promising glory for every fight, and honour for every fallen. I looked around; suddenly all I could hear was this symphony playing which had started already with the timpani and it seemed as if nothing else was audible or ever will be. I realised I wasn’t a hero yet; I am just one of them, here to fight the fight. There were others like me, who would one day want to be on top of the glass pillar looking down.

Today was not that day for me.

Merrry Christmass!! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Our beliefs guide us that Christmas & Santa Claus are as alike as two peas in a pod. But, really these are two different notions, one meshed into another until the myth is as distorted as any other myth in the world.

Christmas, the word when broken makes Christ’s mass. Christ derived Kristos, a translation of the Hebrew word ‘Messiah’ And the latter part derived from 'Missa' which means celebrating Euchrist; the breaking of bread and drinking wine while Jesus’s instruction at 'The Last Supper'. The issue of this eve, i.e. celebrating the birth of Jesus is very debatable. Supposedly, the date falls somewhere between a gap of 5 years. Well, they didn't have Facebook Timeline back then for obvious reasons.

Santa Claus as we now know was conceived by the Brits and Americans in the 19th century.The image maintained and reinforced by popular culture and bedtime stories. The main inspiration being Saint Nicholas who gave gifts to the poor and in one case presenting dowries for the three daughters of a godly Christian. Along with Sinterklass/Odin, this was merged with Father Christmas to form the modern day Santa Claus. In the mid 1800s,he began to acquire objects such as Reindeers, Bells & Sleighs.

Saint Nicholas

Our jolly old Saint Nicholas reflects our culture to a T, for he is fanciful, exuberant, bountiful, over-weight, and highly commercial. He also mirrors some of our highest ideals: childhood purity and innocence, selfless giving, unfaltering love, justice, and mercy. The problem is that, in the process, he has become burdened with some of society's greatest challenges: materialism, corporate greed, and domination by the media. Here, Santa carries more in his baggage than toys alone!

-Carol Jean-Swanson

Till the age of 16, I lived in an industrial town in the lower Himalayas. For things to get commercialized, the world had to move 20 miles south for me. So no one could really sell me ideas of make-believe, even if at an early age i was eager to buy. Well, no one except Television; that was the omnipresent, omniscient & omnipotent motherfucking lord of all men. If it told you Jesus was born on 25th December. You believe. If it said God, for whom all men are equal divided the children in Naughty & Nice. You ate that up, and start behaving. If it said you be good, and you get that Video Game Console on which you can play Contra, Mario, YOU.WILL.WAIT for it to drop down the chimney or the ventilator.

And that shenanigan would have sucked me down as well, if it wasn’t for my uninterested parents. I mean as if our own religious holidays weren’t enough now I was asking for gifts on Christmas and yes, the gifts had to be really good too. It was almost an international event and I wanted to be a part of it. They went along once as far as I remember. This pine tree lookalike outside our house. I brought in stuff to decorate it.Got a red sock and all, hung it over an open window. Looked up in the morning, and, nothing. All that faith in an Old fat cheerful white bearded man and it added up to absolutely nothing in return. People can be brutal when they think something should not bother you because of their assumptions that YOU don’t believe only because they don’t. I knew the truth about Santa. There was no Santa. But all this fuss had to be about something. Ramblings of 12yr old. Hoping against Hope. White Long Beard; Old; Fat; Rides a Reindeer; Ever happy, why not just go ahead and add smells of Booze & Felon to the description as well.

Comes down a Chimney. Rofl.

I took it pretty hard and you can call it bitterness but i will not succumb. It’s just good marketing. I am pretty sure not so long ago it would have been just a simple holiday when families gathered and you helped a cause. When you realised that miracles do happen and stories like Christmas Carol made you realise life is about living large not long. But that don’t sell no shit, Bro. So HALLMARK just went ahead & sodomized it.

                It's A Wonderful Life

Blink of a Year

Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbours, and let every new year find you a better man. 

     Benjamin Franklin 

A human being’s lifespan is nothing but a blink of an eye if measured against the eternity of the universe. So what is it that makes us important, what is it that differentiates “you” from every other creature in the universe? People will tell you it's not the blink of the eye that matters, it's the eye, that makes us what we are.

They are right.

One year since a group of people had one of the most cheerful days of their lives yet, including myself. It’s been a year already, phew, yes time flies. But that day is of great importance to me particularly, I mean nothing great happened in a life changing way. But I guess there will be times in your life when your primal self comes out and you see clearly ‘the bigger picture’. You might even examine yourselves Before ‘the day’ & After ’the day’. In more than one way you are aware of what kind of person you are and how you are going to make a change. And you better make that change. Sadly, for me, I share this day with a bunch that have had different experiences on the same day, so while I am sitting here introspecting, for them it’s a jolly good nostalgia. It was not really hard for me at the end; examined the setback for a few months then I completely forgot about it. A year was perfect. I went through all the stages of shock, and I guess I was pretty much on top of it, before people started reminding me about it. Technology. Right?

So I am sure no one is really curious, but I will still enlighten you anyways. A bright colour.             

Intense. Angry. Coward. Prejudiced. Destructive.

For a while you would think you have been scarred for life, it might seem the next worst thing after the holocaust. But it really isn’t .Its nothing. It’s just one of those experiences. I am telling you, you will get over it. Let me enunciate this, the human mind has a memory of a turtle in some scenarios. We never learn about certain aspects of society. That’s in our DNA. Or maybe not, maybe I just didn’t want to learn.I didn’t know how I got there,but that was where I was.

And it was a tricky situation too, I mean you had to be there to realise that. It was something of a straight out cliché. And then, nothing. Later, I was just there, looking like an asshole. A thing about assholes, you can be one, not let anyone know and then call somebody else one. Obviously, that wasn’t the case here. Obviously. But I forgot all about it, it’s almost an embarrassment now to think about it. And the thing is I can’t really blame anyone to remind me; these things are etched in  your muscle memory. THEY.WILL.COME.BACK.

So my point was, well actually I didn’t have any point. I thought I would write about that day but I just kept stalling for what exactly was a whole year. Until now, and even this is completely vague. I mean don’t get me wrong, that day was pretty eventful, right from around 11, the night before when I heard the door bell. Things kind of went downhill from there. Twenty five hours later I am walking alone in the rain for what seems like an eternity. Cliché? See, that’s the thing, It was 20minutes on a clock but it was an eternity to me.Doesn't change that life is still a blink.You must think,and you better think fast.Life is too short for fat chicks & cheap buffets.

You can repent, or you can learn how to better yourself. 

Can i get a fuckin' amen?

A Clockwork Orange

Tick...tick...tick...

This is the sound of my cheap fast-track watch tied around my wrist, kept close to my ear while I stare at the facebook profile page mechanically responding to birthday wishes from my peers and relatives.

     There is only one moment, so it is said, at the maximum, when a person feels true happiness each day. Which implies that if you were truly happy when today in the morning you got up, the rest of the day is going to be a drag no matter what. So thankfully, even if till now, today has been a major colossal fucking boring shithole cunt-muscle of a day, I still have a few hours left before I could be entirely, with heart & soul, JUST. FUCKING. DISAPPOINTED.

Such is my optimism.

Everyone has a number. You know the number. Yeah, you do. Lucky/Unlucky number. A number that scares you. A number that is a prophecy of its own. A number that very well could be the end and beginnings of things .

For me, its 23. Don’t ask why. And it makes me curious. What are the possibilities? Should I make new resolutions? 10 days from now, I will be in an entirely new city. Another adventure for me as an individual. How can I be prepared for it? What are the mistakes I made which can be avoided now?

     Every time your age column has to be edited, It cannot be a happy feeling. It is never a happy feeling, except when you turn 21,I suppose. but in this country none really cares about that as well.

Cynic?

Maybe I am.

But my “optimism” reminds there are always worse things that could happen, that could have happened. Remorse, I think i have had my quota of that as well for the time being. I am hoping for better things coming in the future.

     For everyone, who could find 10 seconds of their precious time while they looked at the facebook sidebar events and decided to wish me just for the sake of it, well, don’t bother next time. I appreciate the effort but really,  WHAT IS THE POINT? And those who didn’t...Aren’t you a smartass?

With Gratitude & Apologies

Yours sincerely,

Saurabh.

The truth people speak and the lies they don’t.

Psalm 12:2 "They speak vanity every one with his neighbor: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak."

Think about it, what do people do. They meet a person, they change themselves.

Mostly for better, always for better.

 We speak what comes natural, our sweet ideas of our better standards. We lie about our shortcomings. Not so consciously, but they aren't the complete picture of what we are and what they make us to be.

So yes in a way we lie. And yet we don’t.

Which brings us  to the main point. The picture is always incomplete. And it goes becoming more and more different than the real self, up till a point where the picture is something else entirely and very clear. So finally, we stop asking, we stop asking ourselves and we stop asking each other, not only about each other but also about how we seem in the mirror.

The truth is not there and no longer required.

Imagine another  party, a third party that brings us the truth, the truth and nothing but the truth. Crystal. Say in a file, humour me, of all the conversations we have ever had with someone. Everything, the lies, the truth and the semis. And you get it, to read, analyse, decipher. Everything, right in front of you. You have it. Where do you go from that? What do you do when you see where you started from and then suddenly the point was just not the same. It changed.

For good or for worse. For good, mostly. For your own good.

Lets say there was a person, who had the same revelation and he decides to do something about it. He starts correcting the dots, not just connecting  them as everyone else will do. What if he rectifies the wrong and puts right into place.

What would he have to do, to achieve that. That would be a story worth telling. Innit?

See this spin.

This girl whom I fancy, always asks me, ‘Why?’. Several brainstorming moments pass, I was clueless. I assure myself, well, there are several reasons. I feel better with her. Wasn't my best one, yeah, I know, what was I thinking? My friend had better things to say, like, sharing the vibe every time they are near you, the good ones he meant. Bah, humbug. It would feel great to find the person for you, to be with your someone. But the real question is, what if you don't find your someone, and what if you do and you aren't the one for her.
It's not really easy to put in words but there will be two or three instances in your life when you really have that extraordinary feelings for somebody, not easy to express, situations neither you or she will have any idea about (because she won't ever know about it). But one thing is for sure, that phase will also be one you are sure to cherish for a long time, whatsoever be the outcome.
The whole idea of louve goes over my head, people who just met 2 months back, know that they are in love, it could be just infatuation or one of them's crazy fantasy they cant resist. People who have known each other for ages but had no warmth suddenly develop feelings that are inexplicable. Controlling the desire to be with someone is far beyond the limits of a common everyday man but what is necessary, is the answer to ‘ What leads up to that desire?’. Is it looks?? Personality? or is it just being at the right place at the right moment?Sometimes a simple glance or a smile might just be enough.

All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone in the crowd but different from it, like we are taught in all those silly Hindi movies. We watch other people, see them happy and hope we will be like them, happy. We expect fortunate events that would lead up to that. We expect miracles. We search for someone to be comfortable with, someone to talk to, someone to dance with. What we don't realise is that maybe someone is looking for us, to be happy with us, to talk to us, to dance with us. People try to decipher the its real meaning. Some just call it as crush till it's one sided and love only in mutual attraction and both know about it, that's the important part! So when I think what I have, is just a crush which is going to fade away (that's what they say) the thought, does feel empty and believe me when I say that it's not everyday I have this obsession(that's what she calls it) for someone. And if somebody asks me to explain this kind of feeling. The closest I come to putting it in words is when it is at its peak, its like spreading your arms out and far and rotating your whole body round and round till your head feels heavy and when you become still, you fall!
And that falling part, people, is what you actually enjoy. It can change you for good or maybe for worse, but change is inevitable.Your choices go under a drastic turn. Your favourite genre of movies change from thriller, drama to romance..You listen to elvis, beatles instead of metallica, iron maiden(gimme a break ,i am 19,i am supposed to listen to it), you become a monk, you avoid fights and the most important part -you are always short of words! So even when you want to talk to somebody you are actually thinking of something else and the other person thinks you are retarded.While talking to her you either keep babbling and make fool out of yourself or you keep your mouth shut longer than required because you are thinking that you are in those moments of silence in which you hear more than you talk,but that's not what is happening! What I mean to say is that you cant go being pessimistic or optimistic..what you got to think is that the other person is like you, someone with a functional brain(so don't be too much hopeful) and a human heart (so don't lose your hopes just now). And you cant forget patience is name of the game, if you can wait, it's good for you too..that way you can be sure. Love at first sight doesn't exist..its a Myth! But if and when you are sure of somebody, do whatever in your strength and maybe more to make that person feel special. And there will be the usual crap you will get from your friends to make things go faster or slower, wateva or even to give less importance to her just prove to your existence ..that might even work but believe me that way ,the only person you are not honest to ,is yourself.There is nothing more relevant that liking somebody ,so if you are really in for the real thing,just go for it,you might fail but there are chances that you may wind up in something great. So take your chance, believe me even HITLER had someone who loved him, and boy, she was hot.

This Guy's Life

I start on dec 17.i promise some good stuff....do visit.